Step 1 – Delusion
The first step in resolving any family conflict is to establish in the first instance, that all human beings are fundamentally delusional. The way our minds work, according to the esteemed MIT Neuroscientist David Marr, is that we receive ten billion pieces of information each second. The way we process this information, is to do three things: we distort, we delete and then we generalize, to come up with a model of the world, which we think is real.
The initial discussion in any family conflict, therefore, begins by helping each individual to understand their model of the world and to entertain the possibility that their mind may have processed information in a manner which has distorted, deleted and generalized the events which brought about the conflict.
Step 2 – Self-Righteousness
Secondly, each individual in the conflict must consider the Reticular Activating System. The best way to understand this, is that “The eyes only see and the ears only hear what the brain tells them”.
So in Step 1 above, an individual selects their version of events and in Step 2, the individual finds data to support this point of view, making it seem even more real and justified. In all family conflicts, therefore, individuals end up locked in a position of self-righteousness, which is reinforced by tangible, rational and logical evidence to support their view.
Step 3 – Reactive Patterns
The third reason why family conflicts can be so deeply intractable, is that all families work according to Reactive Patterns.
Simply put, all family members have certain patterns in their relationships, which are commonly played out scenarios that seem to repeat themselves with a life of their own. When an individual family member identifies their reactive patterns and changes this inbuilt, automatic response, then the dynamics within a conflict change immediately. This lays the groundwork for a positive resolution.
Oxford Place has a strong track record of resolving family conflicts in sizeable, high-profile disagreements, whether internally within a family, or externally within family corporate structures. For more information, please contact us here.